Commitment is more important than compatability.
Unmarried couples are roughly 5 times more likely to break up in the first 5 years of a baby’s life than married couples.
Married couples tend to be healthier, richer, happier and have better sex lives than the unmarried.
Marriage is for friendship and family life.
Cf. infatuation (a feeling) and love (involving a decision and actions).
Commitment required for trust which is required for intimacy and vulnerability.
Make a point of having special dedicated time together / have fun together – a regular “date” / change of routine / avoiding distractions / effective communication (but not about routine / practical matters).
Think about daily, weekly, annual time together.
What are good times for you? E.g. morning or evening people.
Stay connected with one another (e.g. email, text) – what are the best ways to you?
Begin and end the day together if possible.
Pray for one another each day. A good way of sharing what’s on your mind too.
Marriage brings a change of loyalties and a different way of relating to our parents and wider family.
“Leaving” parents is required, while continuing to honour them.
Essential to put husband or wife above parents and make our own decisions about things (e.g. how we decorate our house, how we spend our money, holidays), possibly differently from our parents.
Support one another – don’t have childish states of dependence on parents (e.g. especially if visiting them in the old family home).
Resist manipulation from parents.
Aim for mutually supportive relationships with parents.
Say thank you to parents. Show gratitude. Almost all parents will have made sacrifices for their children.
Keep in touch with parents. Take the initiative (at least sometimes).
How often will you call, visit, stay with or invite parents (or other family) to stay, holiday with them?
What space do you need?
Do you feel threatened or overwhelmed by one another’s family?
What will you do at Christmas time? E.g. taking it in turn to host / visit parents.
Arranging the wedding and the wedding day itself could be stressful.
Not worth falling out over the wedding – what could you compromise on?
Your parents may be financially involved – they will almost certainly be emotionally involved.
Make sure you only ever say “you’re just like your mother (or father)!” as a compliment.
Plan time together and allow time apart / space. Some people can feel smothered.
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