"Scriptural" Call to Worship for Harvest

As I’m not wildly impressed by the tiny Scriptures snippets suggested in Common Worship Times and Seasons for Harvest, here are some words adapted from the Good News Bible version of Psalm 104 which I thought I might use as a call to worship in our all age Harvest Family Service tomorrow:

V1:
Praise the LORD, my soul.

O LORD, my God, how great you are!
you are clothed with majesty and glory….

Vv 13-15:
From the sky you send rain on the hills,
and the earth is filled with your blessings.
You make grass grow for the cattle
and plants for man to use,
so that he can grow his crops
and produce wine to make him happy,
olive-oil to make him cheerful,
and bread to give him strength.

V24:
LORD, you have made so many things!
How wisely you made them all!
The earth is filled with your creatures.

Vv27-28:
All of them depend on you
to give them food when they need it.
You give it to them and they eat it;
you provide food, and they are satisfied.

V31:
May the glory of the LORD last for ever!
May the LORD be happy with what he has made!

V33:
I will sing to the LORD all my life;
As long as I live I will sing praises to my God.
May he be pleased with my song,
For my gladness comes from him.

V35b:
Praise the LORD, my soul!
Praise the LORD!

I’m sure the whole of Psalm 104 would feel too lengthy but I think I’d like a bit more than just a single sentence. Is my attempt still a bit long?

What do you think about editing and adapting Scripture for use in worship? I’m very unhappy if it’s done for a lectionary or reading but is it okay if its for a particular purpose in a service, such as praise, thanksgiving or confession? Is some Scripture better than none (provided you don’t make a rule of excluding particular doctrines)?

I have basically edited the Psalm to keep it happy and kinda harvest thanksgivingy and relatively child friendly and understandable. I’ve wimped out from including verses like “may sinners be destroyed from the earth; may the wicked be no more” (v35) and haven’t troubled people with the “hyrax” (v18), but I would certainly be happy to pray v35 in other circumstances and I’ve noting against conies / rock badgers.

I was tempted to change the Psalm to make it more corporate too (“we”s instead of “I”s and so on)?

Perhaps there is a more appropriate passage in Scripture to use that I wouldn’t feel the need to muck about with? I’m keen for our services to begin with a call to worship from the Word of God.

What do you think? Is it okay to mess with Scripture like this? Would a hymn or poem not taken Scripture be better than a “bowdlerized” version? I would probably introduce it as “some words from Psalm 104”.