Saying goodbye to babies we have lost

I know nothing about these website, but I wanted to record it in case it is useful sometime: www.sayinggoodbye.org

Fussy Toddlers

I don't know how much you go in for evolutionary biology. But I was comparing notes with another parent of small children this morning. We had both noticed that our children had eaten what was put in front of them when they were quite little pretty readily but now are much fussier. I wondered where we'd gone wrong. My concience was salved by her suggestion that it's natural for children, once they start being able to move around, to be much fussier about what they eat. And that's a good thing. When the child can travel under his own steam, so much more toxic and harmful stuff is accessible and it's good for him to be very discerning and stick to tried and tested favourites. The downside is that your son may wish to survive on a diet entirely made up of sausages, bacon, ketchup, milk, raisans, chocolate, unbuttered bread, ham and shreddies. Even if its contrary to his genetic programming, the boy needs to realise that mum and dad only serve up good stuff (cf. Matthew 7:9-11). We can be trusted not to put poisonous food on the table - or at least, Mum can!

Infant Baptism Prep

Some thoughts on the

Baptism of a child of Christian believers

(in the Church of England)

and Christian parenting

A quick summary of the Christian faith / good news of salvation: Two Ways To Live – The choice we all face - http://www.matthiasmedia.com.au/2wtl/

The C of E Common Worship (modern language) order of service – http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/initiation/baptism.html - note especially the declarations and promises that parents and godparents have to make

Some stuff from the C of E website about baptism, FAQs etc. - http://www.cofe.anglican.org/lifeevents/lifeevents/baptismconfirm/baptism1.html#bap

The C of E’s webpage for godparents - http://www.cofe.anglican.org/lifeevents/baptismconfirm/godparents.html

Ideally according to the C of E there would be at least 3 godparents, traditionally 2 of the same sex as the child and one of the opposite sex. The parents may be godparents for their own child providing there is at least one other godparent. Godparents need to have been baptised. The Canon law of the C of E states: “The godparents shall be persons who will faithfully fulfil their responsibilities both by their care for the children committed to their charge and by the example of their own godly living.” (canon B23)

In the baptism service we give thanks to God for our children, pray for them and dedicate them to God. But baptism is much more than a service of thanksgiving and dedication or a naming ceremony – or an excuse for a party! A service of thanksgiving / dedication might be a suitable alternative for those who don’t feel they can makes the declarations / promises / commitments required in a baptism service. On thanksgiving services see: http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/initiation/thanksgiftchild.html

The Bible commands Christians to be baptised (Matthew 28:19). Jesus welcomed little children to come to him (Matthew 19:13-15). In the New Testament households were baptised and it seems highly likely that these included the children of believers (Acts 16:15, 31-34). God’s promise is for our children too (Acts 2:38-39).

The child is baptised on the basis of the parent(s)’ profession of faith (1 Corinthians 7:14). We assume that the children of believers have (infant) faith (Psalm 22:9-10; Luke 1:44) and belong to God’s family.

Baptism is a sign / symbol / picture. It is the New Testament equivalent of the Old Testament sign of circumcision that indicated membership of God’s covenant people (Colossians 2:9-15; see Genesis 17). The church is the new family of God.

Baptism is a picture of a spiritual wash, cleansing from sin, a fresh start, forgiveness (1 Peter 3:21; Acts 22:16; Titus 3:5; Hebrews 10:22; 1 Corinthians 6:11)

Water is also a sign of life

Baptism is a sign of union with Christ (Galatians 3:27-28) in his death and resurrection, dead to sin (its power and penalty) and a new transformed life in God’s power (Romans 6:3-4; Colossians 2:12)

Baptism is not an automatic / magical guarantee of salvation (1 Corinthians 10 especially verses 2 and 5). We are saved by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone (Galatians 3:26; Ephesians 2:8-9).

Baptism is God’s sign / seal / stamp / mark on us (like a badge). We are baptised in the Triune name (Matthew 28:19) and therefore bare God’s name. We are marked as his: he owns and claims us. We represent him – we carry his name with us. His good name depends to some extent on us.

In baptism God assures us that we are his children with whom he is pleased (cf. Mark 1:11)

Baptism places us under covenant obligations / establishes a contract / agreement. We enlist as soldiers in his service. Baptism is a pledge of loyalty, an oath of obedience / fealty.

In baptism, we welcome our children into God’s family. Baptism effects and marks our (formal / public / legal) entry into the (visible / historical) church (on earth). We are enrolled as part of God’s people, members of his covenant community, enjoying its blessings. (Therefore it is appropriate that baptisms should take place in a main Sunday services. A Thanksgiving service could be private family affair at another time / place). We are to accept the leadership / discipline of the church’s Elders / ministers. We would expect to see you regularly in church and would be concerned to help you follow through on the commitments made at the baptism.

Children are a great blessing and a great responsibility

Christian parents are to treat their children as (child-)Christians, bringing them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:1-4; Deuteronomy 6:7).

We assume our children have (child-like) faith that we pray and trust God will bring to increasing maturity (just as he is doing with us, growing us in the faith). They and we need daily to repent and believe the good news, choosing to live with Jesus as our Lord. We want them to grow up never knowing a day when they haven’t trusted in Christ.

Our children need discipleship / nurture / training / help, which is primarily parents’ responsibility (Proverbs 22:6)

E.g. Regular Bible reading, prayer, discussion / natural everyday chat / teaching, singing, grace at meal times, weekly attendance at church, personal example

Find ways of family prayers etc. that work for you – e.g. prayers (for the day) at the breakfast table, a Bible story and a “thank you & Good night” prayer at bedtime

Make God, your Christian faith, church etc. a natural and happy part of family life

Loving discipline / correction / training for increasing “independence” (Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15, 17)

The church promises to help and support parents as much as it can. Do ask if there’s anything particular we could do / you’d like to pray / talk about

E.g. HT Toddler Club, Crèche / Sunday School, Family Services etc.

Resources:

The Christian Resources Centre, Seaside Road – a mixed bag of stuff, of course - http://www.christianresourcecentre.com/

The Good Book Company - https://www.thegoodbook.co.uk/

David Helm, The Big Picture Story Bible (Crossway)

Sally Lloyd Jones, Jesus Story Book Bible (Zondervan)

Music CDs e.g. Jonny Burns, Colin Buchanan, EMU – J is for Jesus, Jesus is the King, A Very Very Big God

Further reading:

For a further introduction to the Christian faith: John Chapman, A Fresh Start (The Good Book Company)

Douglas Wilson, Standing on the Promises of God: A Handbook of Biblical Childrearing (Canon Press)

Rachel Jankovic, Loving The Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches (Canon Press)

Ann Benton, Aren't They Lovely When They're Asleep?: Lessons in Unsentimental Parenting (Christian Focus)

Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart (Shepherd Press)

Should we exile the kids?

I thought David Gibbs made some excellent points in his 'Unity in the gathering or 'adult only' church?' where he made the case for keeping children in church meetings instead of sending them out for children's Sunday school. Good on The Briefing for publishing it (Jan - Feb 2010, Issue 376/7, pp30-32).

You'd have to have guts to abolish the Sunday school and it'd be hard to keep your own kids in if everyone elses' were going out, but I think his biblical and theological arguments are persuasive.

In his church, only under 3s can go out for the sermon.

It's interesting to note that Sunday school during the morning service only goes back to the 50s and 60s.

Get some tissues

Sit down and go and watch this video - it takes less that 7 mins.

Wipe your eyes.

Now tell me that you believe in abortion?!

Pray:

Sorry that we are not grateful for our children as we should be and that we fail to care for them and love them as we might. Sorry that we tolerate their murder.

Thank you for Eliot and for the Lord Jesus, that he said, "let the little children come to me and do not hinder them because to such as these belongs the Kingdom of Heaven."

Please bless and help Eliot's family and frieds and all who mourn. Be with those who know the pain of loss or who have never received the gift of children for which they long.

Loving heavenly Father, God of life and death, have mercy upon us.

Smacking

Some biblical texts on the use of the "rod" in disciplining children:

Proverbs 13:24 – “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”

Proverbs 22:15 – “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.”

Proverbs 23:13-14 - “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol [the place of the dead].”

Proverbs 29:15 – “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”

A Beginner's Guide To Parenting

Here are some notes for a sermon from Dt 6 on Christian nurture of our children.

An audio version is also available on the Holy Trinity Eastbourne Sermon page. Unfortunately we were having some trouble with the sound system and the first few mins. were missed off due to the poor quality. At least on my computer the sermon is too quiet (!) but hopefully that'll be rectified with the new MP3 recorder which is now installed.

Righteous Indignation

Tedd Tripp defends the idea of “righteous indignation”, but he adds this helpful and memorable caution:

People tend to think, “I am right and I am indignant, therefore this is righteous indignation.”

No doubt there are all sorts of considerations and distinctions such as, am I proportionately indignant with the right people for the right reasons?

Here’s how Tripp spins it:

The difference between righteous and unrighteous indignation is illustrated by asking, “Whose honor is being preserved?” If I am angry because God has been dishonoured and that vexes me, I am probably exercising righteous anger. If my anger is the garden variety, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to be, who do you think you are, you little brat,” it is probably unrighteous anger. That kind of anger will muddy the waters of discipline.

Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart 2^nd edition 2005 (Wapwallopen, Shepherd Press, 1995), p108