"I can't believe, even if I wanted to"

Nah. I don't buy that. You have to doubt your doubts.

What does your atheism do for you? Are you willing to give that up?

You can believe lots of things that don't seem possible to you.

And you can feel profoundly lots of things you think are untrue.

You can do what you want in this area.

You've got to get over yourself.

To believe is to give intellectual assent and to trust, to depend, not so much to feel persuaded or be able to prove something.

Carry on!