Bridgebuilding: Making Peace with Conflict in the Church by Alastair McKay

 

Bridgebuilding: Making Peace with Conflict in the Church

Alastair McKay

(Norwich: CPAS / Canterbury Press, 2019) 162pp pb ISBN: 9781786221414

 

This seemed to me to be a highly valuable and worthwhile book, accessible to those like me who don’t know much about this field. There’s lots to learn, think about and apply here. Each short and highly readable chapter considers a particular topic (with a title in the form of an imperative) followed by an interview and a reflection on a passage of Scripture. 

 

We are urged to:

 

·       Know thyself – and value others.

·       Grow in emotional maturity.

·       Be real about power.

·       Use good theory.

·       Shepherd the process.

·       Make space for feelings, silence and touch.

·       Recognize the limits.

·       Love your enemy.

·       Build a culture together.

·       Observe the peacemakers.

·       Build bridges to heaven.

 

The author, an Anglican clergyman, draws on his long experience of mediation and conflict resolution with Bridge Builders (course-providers influential in church leadership in the C of E and beyond) and his connections to the Mennonites.

 

McKay argues that conflict (difference plus pressure) is a normal and natural part of creation, not necessarily sinful, which will also persist into the New Creation. We have to decide not so much whether or not to have conflict but whether our conflicts will be destructive or creative. A few love a fight, many will seek to avoid conflict (maybe through burial or grace). Often it would be wise to seek help sooner.

 

The claim that reconciliation is the gospel requires further explanation, which to my mind this book only provides to some extent. I am not totally convinced that reconciliation with God is always kept as front and centre as perhaps it should be and I expect most conservative evangelicals would expect to hear more on the atonement and the necessity of saving faith.

 

The approach here has been influenced by the family systems theory of Murray Bowen. We want to find our own individuality whilst also being positively connected to others.

 

End notes are relatively few and the work does not draw on masses of secular studies nor many weighty tomes of theology.

 

Those seeking to lead through conflict do well to seek to know themselves and how they tend to react under pressure. McKay especially likes the Friendly Style Profile developed by Susan Gilmore and Patrick Fraleigh. Do you tend to be:

 

·       Accomodating-harmonzing (a warm yellow)

·       Analysing-preserving (a cool blue)

·       Achieving-Directing (a growth green)

·       Affiliating-Perfecting (a passionate red)?

 

There is some subtlety here. I enjoyed the author’s quip that recently he has been (lightly!) chewing over whether or not over-seriousness might be a sign of anxiety!

 

Leaders ought to slow down and listen. Companionable attentive silence can be important. In heightened situations, we want to be a calm presence. Reflecting back to someone what they have said in a way they can receive is a key skill. It can be a gift to help someone to hear themselves in a different way.

 

One strength of the book is that it acknowledges the limitations of mediation and that we and our communities are works in progress. What counts as a good outcome will depend on the situation and sometimes full reconciliation will not be possible. McKay seems sensible about when facilitation might or might not be useful or necessary, advocating for the benefits of doing this in pairs and of debriefing for mediators. Often we can hope for a measure of clarity and somewhat more open and honest relationships.

 

Those very committed to the “one big idea” original intended meaning of the human author theory of application may sometimes quibble about the use of Scripture to address conflict resolution. Likely there is too much speculation, psychologising or slightly odd use of details at times but this did not particularly trouble me. No doubt you will read discerningly. Of course if you have read D. A. Carson’s Exegetical Fallacies, a siren will sound in your study when we get to the Greek words for love in John 21, but that is a very minor point which does not detract from the whole.

 

Readers may also wish to know that in addition to the Bridge Builder courses, a training resource for leading nine sessions is also available: Alastair McKay, Growing Bridgebuilders: Changing How We Handle Conflict (Coventry: CPAS and Bridge Builders Ministries, 2015), though at a rather pricey £47.

 

McKay’s DMin dissertation which looked at practicing oversight, friendship and reconciliation in church staff teams by studying two large Anglican churches is also available for free download at alastairmckay.com/writing.