Parenting Headings & Jottings (1)

What would you include?

Introduction

Please check back in 30 years and we hope to have something useful to say here!

In the meantime, read the Bible and Doug Wilson and pray.

You only get one chance at parenting. They grow up fast and you can't have your time over.
You are going to fail. Work hard, pray and relax, lighten up, trust God.
God's grace is sufficient.
There are no perfect parents or children but there is a better way.
Parents are responsible but we don't try to earn or merit God's favour. We believe his promises and depend on his mercy. God uses our weak efforts. When we know our weakness we depend on him and give him the glory for anything he graciously does through us.
Tastes, cultures, needs, gifts and opportunities etc. will differ - that's good.
The manifold wisdom of God - not clones.
Not my way right or wrong / may way is the only way.
Not a slavish copying of any one approach let alone "rules".

The supreme authority of Scripture.
"in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity"

the helpfulness of others and of examples and the harmfulness of some comparisons.
Praise God if the Joneses are great parents - and know that no doubt they have their struggles too.
Don't be too hard on them or on yourselves.

God's law and house rules - distinguish clearly.
It's good and necessary to have house rules.
Keep your rules few, simple, clear and good - big principles that get you big wins.
Choose your battles - e.g. work on potty training not nuclear physics with the 2 year old.
Your home should not feel like a Concentration Camp!

The gospel (repeat, remember, model, rejoice)!

The Christian Life:
Repentance and faith, forgiveness and a fresh start
The greatest commandment - the weightier matters of the law
The Golden Rule
The fruit of the Spirit is the fruit of the Spirit - not our work
The Creation Mandate - rule and fill the earth
The Great Commission - disciples the nations
The New Creation
All of life under the rule of Christ - it all matters.

The goal of parenting
Maturity
Able to play their part in a new household
Increasing freedom not clamping down on teenage rebellion!
Aim for "independence"
Start now
Now is better than never

The atmosphere of the Christian home - love, joy, delight, fun, happiness, laughter, togetherness, purpose, mutual care, consideration, sympathy, help
Check this regularly - what is the feel / temperature of your home

Family culture, traditions, memories- these bond the family together - "Do you remember when Uncle Joe..."

Quality Time ? Spend lots of time together - talk!

Read the Bible and good books together

The Trinity - the divine family - a happy loving ordered fellowship

Roles in the Godhead and the home - mutual submission, united purpose
The one and the many - individuality and conformity

Men, women and children
Boys and girls - differences

Expectations - high but not impossible - lower the standard so you get some wins! Progress not perfection
No good making speedy progress in the wrong direction!

Expect the kids to do as they're told quickly and happily. Delayed or sruly obedince are forms of disobedience.
The kids sometimes need a moment for what they are being asked to do to sink in and for them to decide to do it.
Count downs to obedience can be effective but they're not the greatest. We'd like them to do as they're told promptly rather than when we get to "5".
Avoid endless warnings and repetitions of instructions. Sound like you mean it first time.

Kids should be encouraged to see that life is better, happier and easier if they do as they're told happily and quickly.
Being naughty doesn't work - it just makes them more miserable.
Instructions should be obviously for their good whenever possible.
(Of course, if you've got 4 kids you'll need to get your kids to do things to make life possible! An instruction for mummy's conveniece isn't wicked as a happy mummy is essential to a happy home)
An explanation of why you're asking the kids to do something can help them but sometimes "because I said so" is called for. The kids need to understand that God has put mum and dad in charge for their good.
If you've told the kids to do something, you're not looking to have a debate!

Discipline - training not punishment
Be calm!
Discipline is for the child's sake not yours!
Never discipline for the sake of appearance
Don't give in - unless you are wrong!
Do what you can not what you can't

You cannot make windows into your children's souls
Discipline what you can see
Go for the heart
The aim is for the children to love the standard (and the God of the standrd!) not outward conformity for a while

Righteous anger - just because you are angry does not mean you are righteous!

"The Rod" - good that its over quickly!
say sorry, ask God's forgiveness, make friends again, hug / kiss etc, move on happily
Be consistent and persistent
Be clear about when you will smack - e.g. for direct, clear disobedience
Not public humiliation!
Reasonable, proportioante, calm
(count to 10 if need be)
The UK law on smacking and the law of God

Loss of privileges
"Bribery"?
The importance of learning delayed gratification

Do not discipline for weakness or immaturity or honest mistakes - don't smack the child for knocking his water over unless he was messing about
Hunger, tiredness etc are mitigating factors not excuses
Do not lead your children into temptation - they need to eat and sleep regularly
It's not fair to wind 'em up and fill them with sugar and e-numbers late at night then discipline them when they act up

Routine - a help not bondage
Toddler years:
7am get up and breakfast and family devotions - thanks, prayer for the day ahead, a prayer for others / world, Lord's Prayer, song
12pm lunch
5:15pm supper
6:15pm Bible story time
Thank you prayer
Good night prayer
7pm bedtime

Mum and Dad will want to pray together regularly for the children and one another and for other things that are not appropriate to discuss in front of the kids.

Even if some evangelicals have over-done the idea of the personal "Quiet Time" it would be a great habit for everyone to read the Bible and pray on their own regualrly. It is especially important as teenagers move towards leaving home that they should have habits and motivations that will help them to keep going as Christians e.g. if they find themselves living alone or with unbelievers.

Going to bed and getting up

Mealtimes
Manners, courtesy
Saying Grace - probably best if Dad normally says grace but fun if others do sometimes too, sung graces, some people like to hold hands.

TV - ration? good TV

When will the kids have treats? We have a treat from the shop on a Saturday is easier than "can we have some sweets?" every time a shop is spied!

Music and song (fun, aids memorisation) - good shared activity

Liturgy - learn what you use at church at home - keep it simple & fun - enthusiastic joining in
Confession of sin
Acclamation of praise
The Lord's Prayer
Apostles' Creed
10 Commandments
Memorisation of Scripture

Church family and public worship - we include our children as much as possible
We treat the children like little Christians not like little pagans. We all need to repent and believe the gospel everyday but we treat our kids as insiders to be discipled not as outsiders to be converted from a life of Godlessness.
We expect our kids to have infant faith.
We want them to grow up never knowing a day when they haven't loved Jesus.

Baptism - identity, belonging

The Lord's Supper - it is very harmful to exclude kids from the Lord's Table. "Daddy, why was I excommunicated?" - it teaches them they don't belong and need a crisis of faith to bring them in. We welcome them as full members of the body of Christ on the basis of their parent's faith and their baptism. They have rights, privileges and responsibilities as members of the body of Christ.

The Sabbath
Make it the best day of the week! A delight - positive not negative
The Sabbath feast - Saturday evening?

Christian Education

Pocket money, the tithe, saving, the love of money, generosity
Earning extra money

Work ethic but not works righteousness
Jobs - helping Daddy with the bins

Further Reading

Wilson
Alpha
Parsons
Tripp